HOW TO TALK TO A SHY PERSON
FACTS ON RELATIONSHIPS
How to Talk to a Shy Person
When talking to a shy person, it is important to follow certain guidelines so that you don't intimidate or discourage them while trying to have them open up to you.
1
Approach in a non-threatening manner, with a smiling, friendly expression.Try to make eye contact, but don't expect them to reciprocate, since looking someone in the eye can be very difficult for a shy person. Avoid walking up to them too quickly or suddenly, for this may appear threatening. Avoid smirking, sarcasm, and bringing a lot of friends (it makes you look like a clique).
Limit questions.It may seem obvious, but it's amazing how many people don't seem to understand that shy people are afraid of talking to you. They'd ratherlistento you. By all means ask questions and show that you are actually interested in what they have to say, but don't belt out questions one after the other without talking about yourself in between. Doing this makes you sound like an interrogator, not a friend.
When you do ask questions, avoid ones that are personal.Try focusing on something related to the current location or activity. Ask what they think about different things that come up in the conversation. Try to avoid yes/no questions. Instead of "Did you like the new movie?" ask "What did you think of ..." After covering other topics, it may be more acceptable to ask what their favorite things to do are, but don't open with it.
Be patient.It may take some time to get the full answer, so don't be afraid of a little silence. Prompting, such as "go on," or "what are you thinking?" willnothelp and will likely make them nervous. You should also generally avoid finishing their sentences when they pause momentarily. They may want to articulate their thoughts in a particular way, so give them enough time to do so.
Listen carefullyto their answers and give positive feedback, such as, "That's an interesting way of looking at it!I never saw it that way." Be sure to give sincerefeedback between questions; if they don't think you mean what you're saying, it won't help you.
Look for topics that seem to engage your friend.You would be surprised at how much shy people can blabber once you get them onto a topic they care about.
Encourage them to feel comfortable with you so they will trust you.Avoid making jokes at the expense of shy people. On the other hand, be judicious with potential compliments; many shy people may feel flattered in a nervous way when someone who interests them complimentsthem. Compliments can make a shy person feel more comfortable around you if they seem sincere.
Invite them to do something with you.If you have discovered an activity that they enjoy, or have one in mind that you think they would appreciate, ask them if they would be interested in meeting with you (and possibly a few of your friends) later for that activity. It may be that the shy person prefers doing things rather than talking about them.
Express a positive impression of interacting with them.When it's time for you to part, smileand let them know that you appreciate talking with them. You may want to tell them that they are welcome to talk with you and your friends anytime, but be aware that they will be much more likely to seek one-on-one conversations with you, at least initially. It is best to choose complimentary parting words that you really mean; if you seem insincere, they may feel discouraged rather than uplifted.
Don't talk to them like they are stupid or weak.That's annoying and insulting. Some of the smartest people are shy.
Don't stare at them or tease them about their shyness.That makes them feel more shy and make them not want to talk to you.
How to Talk to a Shy Person
When talking to a shy person, it is important to follow certain guidelines so that you don't intimidate or discourage them while trying to have them open up to you.
1
Approach in a non-threatening manner, with a smiling, friendly expression.Try to make eye contact, but don't expect them to reciprocate, since looking someone in the eye can be very difficult for a shy person. Avoid walking up to them too quickly or suddenly, for this may appear threatening. Avoid smirking, sarcasm, and bringing a lot of friends (it makes you look like a clique).
Limit questions.It may seem obvious, but it's amazing how many people don't seem to understand that shy people are afraid of talking to you. They'd ratherlistento you. By all means ask questions and show that you are actually interested in what they have to say, but don't belt out questions one after the other without talking about yourself in between. Doing this makes you sound like an interrogator, not a friend.
When you do ask questions, avoid ones that are personal.Try focusing on something related to the current location or activity. Ask what they think about different things that come up in the conversation. Try to avoid yes/no questions. Instead of "Did you like the new movie?" ask "What did you think of ..." After covering other topics, it may be more acceptable to ask what their favorite things to do are, but don't open with it.
Be patient.It may take some time to get the full answer, so don't be afraid of a little silence. Prompting, such as "go on," or "what are you thinking?" willnothelp and will likely make them nervous. You should also generally avoid finishing their sentences when they pause momentarily. They may want to articulate their thoughts in a particular way, so give them enough time to do so.
Listen carefullyto their answers and give positive feedback, such as, "That's an interesting way of looking at it!I never saw it that way." Be sure to give sincerefeedback between questions; if they don't think you mean what you're saying, it won't help you.
Look for topics that seem to engage your friend.You would be surprised at how much shy people can blabber once you get them onto a topic they care about.
Encourage them to feel comfortable with you so they will trust you.Avoid making jokes at the expense of shy people. On the other hand, be judicious with potential compliments; many shy people may feel flattered in a nervous way when someone who interests them complimentsthem. Compliments can make a shy person feel more comfortable around you if they seem sincere.
Invite them to do something with you.If you have discovered an activity that they enjoy, or have one in mind that you think they would appreciate, ask them if they would be interested in meeting with you (and possibly a few of your friends) later for that activity. It may be that the shy person prefers doing things rather than talking about them.
Express a positive impression of interacting with them.When it's time for you to part, smileand let them know that you appreciate talking with them. You may want to tell them that they are welcome to talk with you and your friends anytime, but be aware that they will be much more likely to seek one-on-one conversations with you, at least initially. It is best to choose complimentary parting words that you really mean; if you seem insincere, they may feel discouraged rather than uplifted.
Don't talk to them like they are stupid or weak.That's annoying and insulting. Some of the smartest people are shy.
Don't stare at them or tease them about their shyness.That makes them feel more shy and make them not want to talk to you.
HOW TO TALK TO A SHY PERSON
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