FACTS ON RELATIONSHIPS
I Survived Heartbreak
How Can I Forget My First Love?It started three years ago.
He was funny, he was sweet, he was handsome, and he was smart. It wasn't very long before I fell in love with him . We were young and free and in love and we were the happiest people in the world. We did EVERYTHING together. He was the only person that I could feel totally comfortable being myself around. Being with him just made me feel so ALIVE.
But you see, I made a mistake. I made a mistake because I gave him absoloutely everything that i had. I gave him ALL of my time, I made huge sacrifices for him, and I neglected my friends and my family for him. I see this as a mistake, because in a healthy relationship I think it is still imporant to maintain your relationships with your friends, family, and the other people close to you aside from your partner. At the time I didn't realize this of course. So I lost good friends of mine along the way, and it sucked but at the time it didn't really matter to me because i still had my love & we would be together forever - that's what I thought. I didn't think that our relationship would ever end because it was too precious, and so I dedicated my entire life to him & our relationship.
Then one day, I started catching little lies here and there. He would lie about where he was, he would lie about smoking pot (something he promised me he would stop doing many times), and other little things that may not seem like a big deal but it was to me because I was always totally honest with him. I lost my trust for him and began to be paranoid about everything he told me. I felt like he was always lying. And many times he was. I guess it was because he didn't want to dissapoint me or upset me but whatever the reason, his lies hurt. His smoking and lying would cause problems between us but it wasn't enough to make him stop. ( By the way, he didn't cheat on me that I am aware of. The lies have to do with other things.)
It has been 4 long, arduous, miserable, neverending days since the break up. It was lies and broken promises that led me to make this decision. I was tired of being lied to and being the only one who did everything for him when he couldnt make the tiniest sacrifices for me. I think it was the best thing to do because unfortunately I have lost all hope that he will ever change.
Anyway, now I am sitting here and I am asking myself, if this was the right thing to do, why does it hurt SOO much? My family and friends (the few I have left) are giving me support, and yet I still feel like dying, I feel like I can't go on, I feel like I just want to sleep and never wake up because when I wake up I know he won't be there!& I am even scared to fall asleep because when I sleep he's in my dreams! I feel so overwhelmed, so empty. I don't know how I am supposed to get over someone who I was so deeply in love with, who has been a part of my every single day for the past 3 years, who I have shared so many memories with... how? Is that possible?
I don't know how long it will take but I know I can't go back with him, for it will only get worse because he is still going to lie, and I will continue to get hurt.
He gave me the best times of my life, but also caused me the greatest pains I have ever felt.
I am a mix of emotions - I feel SAD that were not together, MAD that he hid things from me, SCARED that I will ever be able to love someone again, and GUILTY that I might have broken off something that could have been saved.
Anyway, thanks to whoever is reading this, this is something I really needed to get off my chest!
I am going to try my very best to move on and start a brand new life.
I hope this pain and loneliness goes away soon. According to other people, the pain does go away eventually. I hope I can make it.
"Don't ever make someone your EVERYTHING, because when they are gone, you are left with NOTHING."
- Now I understand the meaning of this quote!!!!!
:(
I Survived Heartbreak
How Can I Forget My First Love?It started three years ago.
He was funny, he was sweet, he was handsome, and he was smart. It wasn't very long before I fell in love with him . We were young and free and in love and we were the happiest people in the world. We did EVERYTHING together. He was the only person that I could feel totally comfortable being myself around. Being with him just made me feel so ALIVE.
But you see, I made a mistake. I made a mistake because I gave him absoloutely everything that i had. I gave him ALL of my time, I made huge sacrifices for him, and I neglected my friends and my family for him. I see this as a mistake, because in a healthy relationship I think it is still imporant to maintain your relationships with your friends, family, and the other people close to you aside from your partner. At the time I didn't realize this of course. So I lost good friends of mine along the way, and it sucked but at the time it didn't really matter to me because i still had my love & we would be together forever - that's what I thought. I didn't think that our relationship would ever end because it was too precious, and so I dedicated my entire life to him & our relationship.
Then one day, I started catching little lies here and there. He would lie about where he was, he would lie about smoking pot (something he promised me he would stop doing many times), and other little things that may not seem like a big deal but it was to me because I was always totally honest with him. I lost my trust for him and began to be paranoid about everything he told me. I felt like he was always lying. And many times he was. I guess it was because he didn't want to dissapoint me or upset me but whatever the reason, his lies hurt. His smoking and lying would cause problems between us but it wasn't enough to make him stop. ( By the way, he didn't cheat on me that I am aware of. The lies have to do with other things.)
It has been 4 long, arduous, miserable, neverending days since the break up. It was lies and broken promises that led me to make this decision. I was tired of being lied to and being the only one who did everything for him when he couldnt make the tiniest sacrifices for me. I think it was the best thing to do because unfortunately I have lost all hope that he will ever change.
Anyway, now I am sitting here and I am asking myself, if this was the right thing to do, why does it hurt SOO much? My family and friends (the few I have left) are giving me support, and yet I still feel like dying, I feel like I can't go on, I feel like I just want to sleep and never wake up because when I wake up I know he won't be there!& I am even scared to fall asleep because when I sleep he's in my dreams! I feel so overwhelmed, so empty. I don't know how I am supposed to get over someone who I was so deeply in love with, who has been a part of my every single day for the past 3 years, who I have shared so many memories with... how? Is that possible?
I don't know how long it will take but I know I can't go back with him, for it will only get worse because he is still going to lie, and I will continue to get hurt.
He gave me the best times of my life, but also caused me the greatest pains I have ever felt.
I am a mix of emotions - I feel SAD that were not together, MAD that he hid things from me, SCARED that I will ever be able to love someone again, and GUILTY that I might have broken off something that could have been saved.
Anyway, thanks to whoever is reading this, this is something I really needed to get off my chest!
I am going to try my very best to move on and start a brand new life.
I hope this pain and loneliness goes away soon. According to other people, the pain does go away eventually. I hope I can make it.
"Don't ever make someone your EVERYTHING, because when they are gone, you are left with NOTHING."
- Now I understand the meaning of this quote!!!!!
:(
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